its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
