if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
