Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
