every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
