I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Randomize
