I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I believe in your delicious
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
