Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
