they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
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