I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
