just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
