Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
