Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Randomize
