went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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