she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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