I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
