Yo dont text me then not text me
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
