hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Randomize
