Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
