I think I am morally bankrupt
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
