Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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