but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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