whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
