Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
