it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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