My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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