i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
