I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
