she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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