Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
