rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
