Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
this beer tastes like vomit already
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
