this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
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