yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
