think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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