I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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