Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
