Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
