So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
