3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Randomize
