Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
