Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
