I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
