My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
