One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
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