i wish my penis had a tongue
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
