i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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