you turned your livingroom into a bong?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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