Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I will be naked everywhere
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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