One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
