I just pynch a tree in the face
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
