I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
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