NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
