My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
