i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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